Operation MURDER
by moulinrouge32
Summary: Hancock is visiting! But despite her joy of seeing Luffy again, she finds out that Luffy and Nami are now together. Follow Hancock as she schemes of different ways of finishing Nami off without Luffy finding out. Rated T for a bit of foul language.
1. Prologue to a Tragedy

I painted an entire porch today._ An entire porch_. Alone. Needless to say I had a lot of time to think, lol. This is one of the ideas I came up with! Don't know why, maybe it was because I was festering on my absolute loathing of Hancock XD But she's funny. _Sometimes_. I can't believe I allowed myself to say that…

Welcome to:

Operation **M.U.R.D.E.R.** : **M**ake **U**nworthy **R**edhead **D**ie in an **E**xcruciating **R**egard

Where _you _can play an active part in the story! Read the prologue and at the end I will explain what you can do to make the story interesting.

Ok, let's begin.

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><p>"Who. In the blazes. Put a SWORDSMAN IN MY PATH!"<p>

Yup. She was here for a total of 5 seconds and already there were two people who hated her guts. One hated her because she was a rival in love and the other, well, because she had just interrupted his mid-morning nap with her obnoxious yelling.

He cracked open his good eye to observe the fuming beauty towering above him.

"Go around, obnoxious woman." He said before going back to sleep. Nami decided to lower his interest rate by 2%.

"The nerve!" She shrieked and was about to kick him to the Saobody Archipelago when she spotted her obsession.

"LUFFY!~" She cried with hearts in her eyes running towards him. Sanji went to meet her halfway in a flying hug tackle but fell just before he got to her, turned to stone. She grabbed Luffy in a suffocating embrace.

"Hbya Hanbcock," Luffy mumbled through her cleavage. She felt a deadly aura from behind her, but she ignored it. Who could possibly wish any ill of her?

She immediately pulled away and blushed. He said her name, 42 times!~

"Hancock?"

43!

"Can you turn Sanji back to normal? I'm hungry."

"Anything for you Luffy-kun~!"

They watched as she turned around and reversed the affects of her powers. Sanji was soon woo-ing around the ship, shouting:

"MELLORINE! MEEEELLLLLOOOORRRRIIINNNNEEE!" as if he hadn't just been turned to stone.

"So Hancock, what brings you all the way out here? Sanji, meat!" The cook didn't seem to hear him because he had hearts leaking out of his ears.

"Well we _were_ headed back to Amazon Lily after finishing up some important business, when I saw your ship and I couldn't help but stop and say hello! Luffy will you marry me?~"

"No. How long are you planning on staying?" He asked as if she hadn't just asked him to marry her.

She pouted, and Sanji turned to stone of his own accord.

"I was just stopping in. I should probably get going back to the island and speak with my sisters…"

Most of the crew sighed in relief. A little of Hancock went a long way. Imagine if she was here longer than a day? Surely they'd go hungry with Sanji in this state. That's when Luffy came up with one of his _brilliant _ideas.

"Hey Hancock, why don't you stay on our ship for a little while?"

"Oh Luffy! You really mean it? That would be-"

"Oi! What the hell are you thinking Luffy!" Nami yelled. She marched up to him angrily.

"Ummm… hospitality?" He queried. She bonked him over the head and stomped away angrily, heading towards their bedroom.

"Nami, wait!" He cried after her, launching himself up onto the upper deck.

"And _why _is he going after the petty little redhead like she's important when _I'm _standing here?" Hancock demanded of no one in particular. Someone would _always _answer her when she spoke.

"Senchou and Navigator-san are now a couple. They've been dating for a month now." Robin spoke up, since no one else dared face the rath of the empress. She received a glare for acting so nonchalant in the presence of someone so beautiful. And then what she had just said sank in.

Luffy. Couple. Dating…

Red started to blind her vision.

That little witch was going to DIE! She stormed off to where Luffy had disappeared to, leaving a puzzled crew behind her.

Finally she made it to the room where he had went into. She was about ready to bust down the door and snap the little bitch like a twig when she heard her and Luffy talking.

"But she obviously loves you! I just don't want to deal with any of this right now."

"But you know I love _you_. Whenever she asked me to marry her _your _face kept popping up in my head. It's obvious isn't it?"

"Baka." Nami said, but she didn't seem angry. There was silence, and Hancock imagined what they may be doing. Kissing sensually in front of a roaring fire. Eating fruit off of one another's naked bodies. Him putting a crown of daisies in her hair.

That was _it_! She was in position again to take down the door, but then miraculously what Luffy had said popped into her mind.

"_Whenever she asked me to marry her _your_ face kept popping up in my head. It's obvious isn't it?"_

Oh, yes. It was _very _obvious now. If it weren't for that little slut she and Luffy would be married by now! The only thing standing in her way _now _was her.

And then an evil plan began to emerge.

She turned around and strolled back onto the deck. The rest of the crew was still milling about, waiting to see what would happen. Some gave her questioning looks, but said nothing. Only Chopper didn't look up as she appeared, seeing how he was trying to find a cure to make Sanji normal again. She beckoned and her snake folded itself into a chair, and she sat herself down to wait.

Eventually a door opened and Nami came out. She pointed at Hancock and said:

"You! Miss _Empress_. You can stay here for a week, but then you have to leave!" And at that she stormed off to the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind her.

How _dare _she speak to her thus! How _dare _she act as if she was captain when her dear Luffy-kun was clearly the one and only? She really had to fight not to go after her and wring her pale little neck.

Luffy soon followed, grinning like an idiot. Because he was an idiot.

"Shishishi sorry about that. Nami just needs some time to get used to you!" He said to Hancock.

"That's quite alright Luffy-kun! I'll enjoy spending an entire week with you!" She smiled sweetly at him.

Zoro put a katana to his chest as if to stab himself, but a hand that sprouted from nowhere stopped him.

"Yosh! We need to celebrate! Sanji!" After having some strong chemicals waved under his nose Sanji was now up and about again. "We need a feast for our temporary nakama!"

"Aye aye captain! I shall make a most bountiful and delectable feast for lovely angel Hancock~swan!"

They all headed towards the kitchen, but she hung back. When Luffy looked back at her questioningly she said:

"I'm going to tell my crew about the new arrangements first. They can go run some errands while I'm staying here." He seemed to accept this and ran towards the delicious smells coming from the kitchen, hoping there'd be appetizers.

Finding herself alone she grinned evilly. It was time to start Operation M.U.R.D.E.R_._

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><p>Hope it was okay, humor's not usually my thing…<p>

And that's why I need your help! I'm taking all ideas, big or small, outrageous or cliché, you name it! I'm taking suggestions on ways Hancock will try to murder Nami XD

There's a catch: it has to be subtle. She can't outright try and attempt to or the crew would kick her off the boat. Or in this case Luffy would probably murder her.

So PM me or leave a review of your suggestions and they may become part of the story! Your name will be mentioned in BIG **BOLD **_ITALIC_ letters in the header if your idea is chosen :D

Hope to hear from you!


	2. The Poison Plan

For some reason I just had a lot of trouble writing this first chapter -_-' Maybe it'll get easier after this one. Sorry for the wait!

Anywho, as promised this chapter goes out to:

_**LOLS**_

For throwing out random suggestions and the one that kinda prompted this chapter! *throws glitter* Hope you enjoy!

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><p>It was a beautiful morning on the Thousand Sunny. A beautiful morning to plan a murder, that is.<p>

A certain raven haired beauty was waking up from a wonderful dream. It had involved a mikan, which had been peeled, sliced, juiced and then poured down a toilet. Hancock sighed. If only disposing of a human were that simple. Although she _would_ like to see the girl's head stuck in a toilet.

She dressed in a revealing outfit and sauntered out the door of the room where she was staying with the book-worm. She had been furious upon learning that Luffy and Nami shared a bedroom. This had sped up the urgency to get rid of the wench. What if she took her poor Luffy-kun's innocence? Hancock couldn't stand for that, because _she _was going to take it.

Making her way towards the kitchen she yawned. She had been up late last night doing research on the red head. When Hancock learned that it was Nami who wrote in the ship's log, she asked innocently if she could read them. The book-worm had complied and she spent most of the night trying to find out something about the red head that would be of use to her plan. She noticed right away that the bitch was greedy, and they'd made several detours because of her to go on treasure hunting expeditions. It was then Hancock had had a spark of genius, (not that she wasn't brilliant _all _the time). She had already set the first plan in motion, giving her snake a bottle with a rolled up paper inside and telling it to set it free some ways in front of the ship. All that was left to do was wait.

As she entered the kitchen she was met with a lot of annoying sounds.

"Hancock~swan! What would you like me to serve you on this beautiful morning? But surely you're even more beautiful than the morning!"

"Would you stop groveling, swirly-brow? It's too early to listen to that shit."

"You're just jealous muscle-brain, because there's nothing you can possibly offer a gorgeous woman!"

"Give me a break. Sword fighting is _way _more manly and attractive to women than _cooking_."

"Pardon me Empress, but may I see your panties~?"

This last remark turned the speaker into stone. To her relief it also led to the end of the bickering. The swordsman was eyeing her warily while the cook was looking at her strangely with widened nostrils.

"FOOD!" She heard and then the door was ripped off it's hinges.

"Not again~" Franky complained.

"Sorry, I overslept." Luffy said as he took a seat. Nami entered soon after, taking a seat next to Robin.

"Luffy, will you~"

"No." Answered Luffy through a mouthful of bacon. Nami scowled at her, but she pointedly ignored it.

"Oi, what's wrong with you Brooke?" Luffy asked, tapping his stony head. The whole crew sweat-dropped, and Hancock hurriedly returned him to normal. It was then that the long nosed man walked in.

"Hey guys, I was sitting in the crows nest when I noticed something floating in the water. I fished it out and found this," he said and held up the bottle that she had given her snake.

"Why don't you open it, sniper-kun?" Robin suggested.

Usopp scraped away the wax and used his teeth to pull the cork out. It came out with a _pop! _and he shook the bottle until a rolled up piece of paper fell out. He unrolled it and looked at it for a few minutes before saying:

"I _think_ it's a treasure map."

The map was wrenched from his hands, and Nami eagerly stuck her face into the paper while Luffy laughed. She immediately drew back though.

"This is the most pathetic map I've ever seen! It looks like it was drawn by a third grader…"

"_YOU LITTLE_...!"

Hancock slapped a hand over her mouth before she could finish her threat. Everyone was looking at her perplexed.

"Errrrr…" she faltered. "You little… spider! There was a spider… in my way. Ehehehehehe~"

Everyone shrugged and looked back at Nami and the map. She sighed in relief.

"It doesn't even say what island this is…" Nami observed as she looked at it. "I assume it's an uninhabited island that doesn't have a name. We might pass it on our way to the next island. I say we should stop there." She concluded, slapping her palms and the map onto the table.

"Like we have a choice…" Zoro growled from the corner. She sent him a death glare.

"And why shouldn't we?"

"It's suspicious as hell!" He argued. Some people in the room sweat dropped when they realized he was right. "A treasure map that's just _conveniently _bottled up and drifting right in our line of course? People don't just let treasure maps go floating freely around the ocean. It's like someone _wants _us to find this treasure. Feels like a trap to me."

Damn, that swordsman was too smart for his own good. Too bad he was immune to her charms, otherwise she could have seduced him into silence.

Nami pondered for at least 3 seconds before saying:

"I'm going anyway. Treasure's treasure, and if someone's willing to lead me right to it I won't object!"

"Whaddya say, captain?" asked Zoro, ignoring Nami. It took all of 0 seconds for Luffy to answer him with:

"Adventure!"

Hancock smirked. Everything was going just as she planned.

* * *

><p>"Well… here we are." Said Franky as they all got off the ship and assembled on the beach.<p>

"This island is puny~" whined Luffy as he sank miserably into the sand.

"Ok, well, according to this horrible map we have to go through some kind of a forest and come out on the other side first," said Nami. Behind her Hancock could be seen raising a trembling fist.

"You mean that forest?" asked Robin, who was pointing at a cluster of about ten trees. Nami dead panned.

"WHAT KIND OF A MAP IS THIS?" She yelled as she stomped off toward the trees. The crew followed suite, albeit at a safe distance.

Hancock grumbled as she walked behind them. She had vaguely remembered visiting this island to restock their fresh water, but last time she had been carried by her escorts so the ground wouldn't defile her feet. Now her high heels kept sinking in the mud. She got an idea.

"Oh Luffy~"

"No."

"I was wondering…" she continued, ignoring what he had said, "could you carry me? I'm getting awfully weak~" She put a hand to her forehead for emphasis.

"Oh, is that all? Sure!" He said, walking towards her and bending down so she could climb on his back. She had envisioned him carrying her bridal style… but oh well. She'd take what she could get. Hancock leaped onto his back in glee, hugging him and smiling.

'What will the wench think of this!" she thought smugly. She looked up and stuck her tongue out…

But Nami was now far away, already past the trees and looking around with her hands on her hips. She hadn't noticed at all.

Oh, she'd show her!

"Onward!" cried Hancock. Luffy laughed at that and began to whinny and gallop. Usopp and Chopper were rolling around laughing in the sand watching the woman, hair flowing majestically behind her and pointing forward as she rode their captain who was now acting like a horse.

They reached the end of the trees… which also meant they reached the other side of the island. (A/N: Luffy really didn't lie when he said it was puny…)

Nami had the map and and was turning it in different ways.

"We need to find a cave… I think?" she said hesitantly.

"Yohoho, maybe there's one in those rocks?" Brooke suggested, pointing toward a small hill of rocks that covered half of the island.

"Let's split up and search," suggested Zoro.

"Alright, but you're going with someone else so you don't get lost!" said Nami.

"Are you kidding me? This island is like 3 feet wide, how could I get lost?"

"…"

"…"

"You'd find a way~" Said the crew in unison, slapping the air.

"Oi!"

"Whatever, let's go!" yelled Nami. Reluctantly, Hancock got down from Luffy's back.

"I'll volunteer to accompany you, lowly navigator!" She cried to the red-head's retreating back, which froze and tensed up at this.

"I'm all set!" She yelled behind her shoulder. Hancock loped up beside her.

"I thought we could, you know, _bond_ or something." She said slyly. "We haven't exactly got off on the right foot now, have we?"

Nami rolled her eyes. "Fine, but just don't get in my way." Hancock smiled.

She knew _exactly _where the cave was, because it held much of _her _treasure. When they had stopped by to get water they had also left behind some of their treasure to lighten the ship and make the return trip faster. She had _not_, however, left it unprotected. Some of the more precious items were laced with snake venom, (which only her and her crew were resistant to). It was a special kind of venom, which could enter the veins through skin contact, so that whomever touched it would become poisoned and die. 'Now what will she touch first?' pondered Hancock happily.

"I found one!" said bitch cried, and then disappeared among the rocks. She'd found it. Hancock entered after her.

Nami currently was doing snow angels amongst the gold coins scattered on the floor, and she cursed herself for not smothering them in poison.

"Coins are great and all, but I can see some _much _bigger prizes from here," She encouraged.

"You're right!" squealed Nami as she scampered around. Then her eyes landed on a diamond tiara with a large red ruby in the center.

"Mine?" she said. Hancock smirked. She had remembered lacing _that _particular item with extra venom. The girl sure did know how to pick out the most valuable stuff.

Nami walked up to it, preparing to take it off a chest.

'Yes… YES!' shouted Hancock in her mind. She could see it clearly now; her and Luffy kissing over her dead, lifeless body. Nami's hand was just inches away…

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The scream echoed throughout the small cave painfully, and Nami bumped into the chest, sending the tiara flying. It flew through the air…

and hit Hancock in the face.

At the scream the other crew mates had rushed to the source of the sound, bursting into the cave and saying:

"What's wrong?"

"Who screamed?"

"Where's the danger?"

"Is anyone injured?"

Luffy went over to comfort Nami, who was shivering slightly.

"There was a giant tarantula on the treasure chest. Blagghhhh!" she told them.

"Is Hancock~swan also alrig- AAAAHHHH!" yelped Sanji, his heart eyes shattering to pieces. Everyone turned to look at her.

"What happened to your _face_?" snickered Zoro.

"Aaaahhhh! Somebody get a doctor!" squealed Chopper as he ran around in circles.

"I believe you _are _the doctor, doctor-san." Said Robin calmly.

"Oh yeah that's right!" He ran over to Hancock and examined her. She knew what she probably looked like. Although the venom wouldn't kill or sicken her, it would leave an embarrassing red rash. Nami told them what happened.

"The tiara must have been poisoned…" Chopper concluded. "But how come you didn't die?"

"I am the _snake _empress, you dolt. No such small dosage of poison is enough to finish _me_ off."

"Well I can mix up a cream to soothe it, but until I find out what kind of poison it is I can't concoct an antidote." He said professionally.

"I think this is a good look for you Hancock. It really brings out the red in your dress," said Nami sarcastically. The crew snickered, and Hancock scowled.

That bitch was going _down_.

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><p>Plan #1: epic fail. It had potential, but <em>damn<em> that spider for showing up when it did XD

Hope you guys liked it and I didn't fail too miserably. If you did: tell me in a review! If you didn't: tell me in a review!

*ahem* Oh! manners… please :3


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